| So it's been about TWO YEARS since my last entry ... poor Xanga.
Perhaps I'll start blogging, or you might just see me in another two years ...
Hopefully someone will remind me every now & again that I have one of these.
I used to use this thing for lame high school poetry, as suggested by ... KAMILLE in the NINTH freakin' grade.
I am about to embark in my THIRD year at UCI as a Psychology and Social Behavior major with a minor in Urban and Regional Planning. I'm excited about being a Life Coach for the Counseling Center so I can utilize the skills that I picked up at the Long Beach Asian Pacific Mental Health Clinic where they let me do WAY more than I was probably allowed to do.
This summer, you can come to Irvizzle and visit me at my apartment, at the Science Library, at Tutor America in Orange (bring your K-HS friends, friends of friends, kids, whatever ... please ...), in the LBC every other weekend, or during Welcome Week at the Counseling Center.
Uhm ... a lot of stuff has happened, and seeing as how i've neglected this Xanga for a couple of years, there's no use in getting carpal tunnel updating you. If you'd really like to know something ... talk to me  .
As for now, fight global warming, recycle, and have a fantabulous day!
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| Graduation.high school finalLy over.yipee.summer days.summer nights.less social drama but too much to ponder.busy vacation.busy days.busy life.life.why life.life hurts.love and happiness.one big joke.
.:45:. taking risks and immersing yourself in pain is only worth it when it's for someone you've grown to care for. . .make sure they're up for the ride too =/ .:<ApRiL>:.
I'm up for the ride
Putting my heart on the line
On the eternal trip to paradise
But the journey has just begun
Breezing through obstacles of heartache
The ride of love ceases to stop and take a break
As we both endure tear-shedding and pain, alL for love's sake
Although I have found the perfect one
The journey has only just begun
I took a chance and you gave me room
For my leap of faith into your eyes with shadows of doom
The very ones that cast upon me now full of pervasive gloom
Do not let me leave now
I've witheld more pain than my heart wilL alLow
I'm up for the ride
I'lL work for the heartache to subside
This journey has just begun
.:. .:. .:.
"I'm feeling more alone than I ever have before" |
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| Hey, you know what? Life sucks.
Number 44
Broken pieces of my shattered dreams
As they lay here on the floor
I break through the lies to show life is not what it seems
As they head out the door
To smash every ounce of sanity that remains within me
Leaving my hopes and dreams neglected
Pushed away for the next life to come
As this entire dwelling becomes infected
Keeping unification is still important to some
But that thought soon becomes an ilLusion fooling only me
There is no point, this is the end
What more is there to live for?
All this heartbreak is impossible to mend
As is becomes impossible to take anymore
The walls around my heart grow stronger and colder
I shall never submit to an illusional love
But there is no differentiating between what's real and what's not
My heart has stopped beating completely |
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| Oyyooyy. . .here I go again. I must be having one of those moments and decided to immerse myself in this realm of poetry that's supposed to be therapeutic and refreshing for my jumbled thoughts and sentiments. But I always end up with something that isn't remotely close what I was fretting about in the first place. . .or is it? It's a manifestation of itself into. . .oh eff it.
#43
Feel this deep within my heart of false valor
Beneath the surface of strength and fortress
Exist shattered bits of fear and failure
Know that my mind is no longer stable
That a guide is necessary to retrieve my rational thoughts
And that my heart wins over the mind in this game of push and pulL
For every desire seeks out the vulnerable ones in love
Where every innocent game and slight attachment
Immerses itself from push and pulL to push and shove
While I await inspiration to bless my soul
And lead me into the direction of inner peace
I take a step away from my desired goal
Tell me where the answers are hidden
And I'll trust my heart upon you as I enter the forbidden
And now everyone else is like. . .wtf was that, April? I don't comprehend! WelL ya knowww. . .neither do I! So screw it. |
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| Graduation is in approximately one week; I think those words wilL suffice. They speak for themselves -- is there realLy any way to describe what sentiments are within individuals about to graduate in eight days? This is the day I've been waiting for since freshman year; I think I've lived to leave. The past school year has been chaotic, strenuous and crazy, but it's had its momentously g0od times. AlL I have to do is survive a few more things academic and then I can chilL for 3.5 months. . .but then there are always those OTHER things. . .like family. . .and things social. . . drama doesn't end. But it's a-ok.
Don't cling to things because everything is impermanent.
I'm not pessimistic, I'm realistic. Good luck to alL with your endeavors & the future.
42 ~ la la la this is random
There are no more words left to be spoken
I've neglected my eloquence and etiquette
I'm here vulnerable and open to be broken
And you've been here watching me as I sit
In cautious attempts to shield my thoughts
Petrified sentiments of giving up and into
This philosophical game that leaves me lost
This cruel pain of twisted hearts and knots
This strong exterior is the sole barrier
To the deteriorating sense of pride
That has been locked up inside
With myself as the carrier
I'm left with nothing
As my heart's with you
And all of my dreams bring
Us closer together with what grew
With alL that is being put at stake
Everything that we've come to be
If this is alL a horrendous mistake
I would never do it again to see
What it would be like without your presence
Weak at heart, but integrity stilL intact
You let me be me alL that I am
Take faith and make it fact
You stilL know that I have
What I fear I lost
When I gave you
My heart |
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